“Multisexmedia is the term I use to define how sex has proliferated throughout every form of modern day media. Sex can be found in obvious sources such as TV, the internet, and magazines, but it can also be found in some of the most unlikely places – such as your child’s cell phone. We are bombarded with sex, which makes it easier for people to become addicted because they are constantly inundated by triggers. Both auditory and visual triggers keep sex at the top of one’s mind, and keep sex addicts focused on finding their next fix. And I was no exception.”
Excerpt from Sex and Surrender: An Addict’s Journey
Addicts’ understanding their trigger(s) is paramount to recovery. If a person is unaware of what is contributing to the addiction, the individual will never be able to take the steps to break the addiction.
As I mentioned in Sex and Surrender, viewing pornography was a major trigger for my sex addiction. Having a Type A personality and watching porn lead me to immediately want to act out sexually. The question that would suddenly pop in my mind was: why watch other people having sex when I could be having sex? And the more porn I watched, the more ideas I got. Why have sex with one person when I could be having sex with two? (Ménage a trois) Why have sex with two people when I could have sex with multiple people? (Orgies) Why have sex with just a woman when I could have sex with a man and a woman? (Bisexuality) One experience after the next, after the next, yet never making a true connection to anyone I was having sex with. And that’s exactly what it was, SEX versus making passionate, intimate, and spiritual LOVE.
EVERYTHING STARTS IN THE MIND!
Whether we are aware of or not we are constantly bombarded by images. For our recovery it’s important that we take inventory of the images, words, and sounds that we are taking in and putting out. All of that information is being processed by the mind, whether one is consciously aware of it or not. Therefore, I had to come to the realization that taking in ANY form of pornography was a trigger which could send me back into an addictive cycle; especially before I got to the root of what was causing my addiction.
Based on my experience, my ongoing therapy, and recovery I devised The Sex Test. The first question on THE SEX TEST is: Do you regularly view or subscribe to pornography in magazines, videos or websites? This is the first question because it shows how something people think is common could actually be a sign of addiction.
To determine if you or someone you love might be struggling with sex addiction, take The Sex Test. The test gives examples of the behavior I exhibited, as well as, behaviors I saw other sex addicts exhibit during addictive cycles. While the test isn’t an exhaustive list of characteristics, traits and behaviors of all sex addicts, it does provide substantive insight.
For me it goes back to my understanding what behaviors and actions are contributing to my addiction. Once I identified those items, the necessary steps were taken to avoid repeating the same behavior or placing myself in an environment which contributes to the behavior. I realized that I couldn’t change what I am unwilling to address and each day I am alive is another day God is giving me to get it right.
Helping others in the Journey,