Sex & Surrender follows the journey of A.D. Burks, a recovering sex addict. Growing up predominantly in a single-parent religious-based home, A.D. was given every opportunity to succeed in life and he did. Flourishing in education, entertainment and corporate arenas, his life looked picture perfect from the outside. Yet, deep down his personal life was tormenting him due to the conflict between his spiritual and sexual beliefs. Longing for the perfect/traditional family he never had with his female best-friend, he redirected his pain though countless forms of risky sexual behavior.

Sex & Surrender graphically recounts the addictive cycle which lasted roughly 12 years and almost ended his life; until he had a dream. From that dream came the realization he had to find a way out. Therapy and spiritual counseling gave a temporary respite and helped him devise a four-step process to manage his addiction. Yet his true breakthrough didn’t come until the root of his pain was uncovered; which allowed healing to finally begin and a sense of internal peace to be established.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to all the addicts and recovering addicts who were told their addiction wasn’t real. Always remember, where you are today isn’t where you have to be tomorrow.

Don’t ever be afraid to tell your story because what you’ve been through might be the key to someone else’s breakthrough.

Introduction

Tiger Woods, Patrick Dempsey, Kobe Bryant, George Michael, Ted Haggard, Eric Benet, and Jesse James. What do they all allegedly have in common? An addiction that almost ruined their lives and the lives of the people around them.

It seems lately that every time we turn around a new sex addict is being busted by the media. Professional athletes, actors, entertainers, even religious leaders – no one seems to be able to escape the scrutiny. Luckily, I haven’t had to truly endure the public humiliation these men have. Still, my story mirrors theirs. In fact, mine may be worse.

While the media has done a fine job of displaying the above-mentioned individuals’ sexual indiscretions and transgressions for the whole world to see, they haven’t thoroughly analyzed what was at the root of the addiction or examined what might need to happen for healing to take place. Nor have they documented the progress some of these men have made in picking up the pieces of their broken lives. Although it might be beneficial for others in similar circumstances to see the progress, it doesn’t make for great headlines. So viewers and readers are left to make assumptions without all the relevant pieces to this most complex sex addiction puzzle.

Anyone can fail, as I did, anyone can rise, as I did.

Before labels are placed, judgments decided, and final conclusions drawn, it’s imperative to take a closer look. Some crucial questions have to be answered: What caused or contributed to the addiction? What has the addict been through or is currently going through? And what can be done to alter the present state of the addiction? Without this insight, it becomes extremely easy to point a finger at others, since we
really haven’t had the opportunity to walk in their shoes.

While one’s addiction may not be sex, it might be just as secretive and the addict is going to do his damnedest to keep it concealed. That’s because if the secret were ever to be exposed, family, friends, coworkers and spouses would no doubt view that person in a very different light. They might abandon him or her entirely.

I endured a winding journey of both intense pleasure and pain on multiple levels, a journey that, in the end, brought me to the point where I am able to discuss the intimate details of my sex addiction. The facts and the language will definitely get graphic at times. My goal is not to entertain or titillate, but to offer readers a visceral and unflinching glimpse into the mind and world of one addict: me.

My goal is to offer insight and understanding in such a way that readers might recognize themselves in my story. My struggle – my triumphs, my setbacks, step by painstaking step – is instructive. Anyone can fail, as I did, anyone can rise, as I did. Anyone can reach out for help, as I did. And, most important, anyone will discover, as I did, that there is hope, if you just know where to look.