Sex Is Not Equal To Love

SEX ADDICTION!!!  Is it real? Is it fake?  Is it an excuse?  Is it a copout?  Is it an overactive libido?  Or could it actually be an addiction?

As someone who suffered for nearly 12 years with sex addiction, I can confirm that it is definitely real.  From the addictive cycle highs of finding a person you think is the most attractive and making them ejaculate to the point they beg you to stop; but in the very next breath they ask you to do it again.  To the addictive cycle lows where you feel so despondent and regretful that you promise yourself never to engage in that type of behavior again; only to find yourself in less than a week or at most a month right back in the saddle pressing repeat.

Sex addiction, unlike other addictions such as alcohol and drugs, doesn’t typically leave a visual indication.  There aren’t the obvious signs like track marks on a person’s arm, breathe that reeks with whiskey or vodka proliferating through one’s pores.   Unless an addict has contracted a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) which is incurable and life threatening, most people would never know the person was an addict.  Unfortunately, when indicators of sex addiction are finally visible it is usually too late.  Thus, most sex addicts are forced to suffer in silence which makes this addiction one if not the worse.  What a person can’t address, they can’t heal!

What is similar amongst sex addiction and any other addiction is pain.  Whether a person chooses to use alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, shopping, sex, work or any other vice; at the root of the addiction is pain.  Until the true source or sources of pain are identified and addressed, the addiction will continue.  However, addicts are masterminds at putting up walls both externally and internally to prevent others and themselves from getting to the source(s) of pain.

In Sex and Surrender:  An Addict’s Journey, I candidly describe how sex addiction played itself out in my life.  While I’m definitely not proud of the behavior I engaged in as a sex addict, I left nothing to the imagination in the book.  I wanted other sex addicts to be able to see themselves and those being affected by the addict’s behavior to know some of the signs.  What I am both grateful and proud of are the 4-Steps which allowed me to break my addictive cycle and get the help I needed to get to the root of my pain.

The purpose of this blog is to help sex addicts and any other addict use the 4-Steps to help break the addictive cycle.  Please go to and hit the Helpful Tools tab to get more information.

Helping others in the Journey,

A.D. Burks